My name is Suki, my human is a writer, and this is about my world. The world according to Suki The Cat. My humans smell funny, look weird, and I can't understand a thing they say, but they feed me, so hey, what are you gonna do?
My brother Salem has been riding the catnip wave all day. His eyes are glazed over and he can’t even stand up right now. It’s humiliating. What if the Tabby next door comes by? Shit, I can’t have my little brother embarrassing me like this.
I decide to talk to him. “Salem, you can’t keep doing the “nip”. That shit will mess you up, man. You’re flopping around like a lunatic. Your mews are incoherent. You look like you haven’t licked your fur in days. It’s getting bad.”
He just rolls around rubbing his face against anything that moves. #HighAsAKite #CatNipJunkie Damn, I hope Tabby doesn’t come by when he’s like this. She’ll tell everyone. It’ll be all over the neighborhood. That bleeping Siamese down the street is blabbermouth. Crap, I got a rep to protect. I have to go find his stash and hide it. Freaking little brothers…
I see Salem in the kitchen pacing back and forth frantically.
“Nothing. Why? What makes you think something’s up? Nothing’s up.”
I eyeball him. “What. Did. You. Do?”
He stands still for a scant second, “I took a drink of that,” he points a shaking paw at our human’s coffee cup.
He goes back to pacing at a jaguar’s speed, back and forth, mumbling, “Oh no, I don’t know what to do, it was bitter anyway and not worth it so she shouldn’t yell, I hope she doesn’t yell, do you think she’ll know it was me?” His paws twitch from time to time as he talks.
I shake my head, “She won’t suspect a thing.”
I walk away rolling my eyes so hard I worry they might not go back into the forward position.
Salem is hovering above our communal dish in the pantry when I walk up.
He stands at attention and points a paw to the dish. “We have a bold new beverage for your consumption today.”
I step closer and glance into the bowl.
He waves his paw over it and puffs out his chest, “It’s quite delicious. Audacious, if I may. It brings to mind a fragrant stroll in the green fields of exotic New Zealand. For your drinking pleasure.” He clicks his hind paws together and waves his paw again.
I lap up a small taste, raise my paw ever so delicately, and smack him across his head with it. “It’s water you chucklehead.” #PretentiousBastard #We’reCommonDomesticCatsAndDon’tYouForgetIt