My name is Suki, my human is a writer, and this is about my world. The world according to Suki The Cat. My humans smell funny, look weird, and I can't understand a thing they say, but they feed me, so hey, what are you gonna do?
My brother Salem has been riding the catnip wave all day. His eyes are glazed over and he can’t even stand up right now. It’s humiliating. What if the Tabby next door comes by? Shit, I can’t have my little brother embarrassing me like this.
I decide to talk to him. “Salem, you can’t keep doing the “nip”. That shit will mess you up, man. You’re flopping around like a lunatic. Your mews are incoherent. You look like you haven’t licked your fur in days. It’s getting bad.”
He just rolls around rubbing his face against anything that moves. #HighAsAKite #CatNipJunkie Damn, I hope Tabby doesn’t come by when he’s like this. She’ll tell everyone. It’ll be all over the neighborhood. That bleeping Siamese down the street is blabbermouth. Crap, I got a rep to protect. I have to go find his stash and hide it. Freaking little brothers…
Sasha, Salem, and I are sitting in the living room window admiring the various wildlife outside when we all spy a small cricket at the same time. Ah, nature. It’s a beautiful thing.
Salem points a paw at it and says, “Oh, I could have that eaten in one second.”
I roll my eyes, “Sure you could, it’s tiny.”
Irked, he gestures to a larger grasshopper sitting on the deck, “I could eat that, too,” then he grins, “all in one bite!”
We all look at the grasshopper in wonder, sitting in the golden sunlight, its green legs tapping the deck. Out of nowhere, a large hairy brown spider, the size of a human’s skull, rips the grasshopper’s head off and devours it whole.
My eyes pop out. Sasha faints.
Salem gulps, “I think I need to go clean my stick toy now.”
If we ever get the urge to view animals in the wild again, we will turn on the T.V. and watch Pets ofThe RealHousewives.
My little brother Salem has been seeing a feline named Shorthair recently. I don’t know what she sees in him and not me. He drools and snores for Pete’s sake. What has he got that I haven’t? I look over at him, sleeping on the floor, with that stupid smug look on his face. I just want to smack it.
He just thinks he’s better than me now doesn’t he? I’ll bet they just sit around laughing at me. He probably tells her that I’m just his little servant. A loser kitty with fleas who can’t get a date. He probably jokes that dogs won’t even date me.
I cut my eyes at him sleeping over there like some kind of king. Who does he think he is anyway?
I start to walk away and as I pass by him he opens his eyes and asks, “Is dinner ready?”
As my brother Salem is sitting on top of me, pinning me down, a large drop of spittle is forming in the corner of his mouth. As brothers often do, he threatens to let it drop on my face if I don’t submit to his will.
“Say it. Say you won’t touch my things ever again.”
I can’t help but stare at the drool forming into a large droplet dangling precariously from his lips. It could drop at any moment and yet I surprisingly hold firm. “NO.”
He grins and shakes his head causing the droplet to start to separate from his mouth. “Swear you won’t take anything of mine again!” He leans closer so that his face is within one inch of mine and says it one more time with gusto, “Sweaaaaar it!”
“Aaaaah, I swear. I swear,” I utter as his claws dig into my chest.
He lifts his body off of mine and struts away in triumph. Sitting up, I shake his loose hairs off of me. I glance over and see that his food dish still has several Friskies treats in it. Hmm, I scratch my head. I wonder what flavor those are?
It’s been a rough day. The little humans are always home now. I never get a moment of peace or privacy anymore. And I have places that need to be licked. Feeling the mounting stress, I find a warm stream of light to relax in.
I reach for a nice Friskies tuna flavored cat treat and realize the pouch is empty. You always think it’s going to happen to someone else.
I hold firm and don’t cry. Okay, I cry. I cry a lot. Then I eat an entire pouch of the lesser-known Frooskies cat treats my human bought me once thinking I wouldn’t notice. Asshole.
My little brother Salem has been sleeping on the floor for the last hour when he wakes up and glances around confused, “Where’d my sunbeam go?”
I smile, “Oh, I turned it off. Sorry.”
He cuts his eyes at me, “Well turn it back on.”
He stands up and says a bit louder, “I said, ‘turn it back on’.”
“I said, ‘No’.”
Salem crouches down, preparing to lunge, “Turn. It. On!”
I race away screaming, “Noooooooooooooo!”
P.S. I just wanted to share that I made FeedSpot.com’s top 200 cat blogs list. I’m number 138!! Hey, I’m estatic just to make the list!! Check it out: Their list of top cat blogs: https://blog.feedspot.com/cat_blogs/