Driving Lessons

The front door slams shut with a loud bang. Salem and I watch as our human stomps in with Teenager following.

“Are you insane?! You could have killed us!”

“For the last time, I thought that was the brakes! You don’t even like the neighbors anyway. Get over it!”

Salem takes a step back, “What is happening to our human?”

“Oh,” I wave my paw, “she’s just teaching Teenager how to drive.”

“Geez, do you think she learned?”

“I doubt it. They never got out of the driveway.”

Brothers

As my brother Salem is sitting on top of me, pinning me down, a large drop of spittle is forming in the corner of his mouth. As brothers often do, he threatens to let it drop on my face if I don’t submit to his will.

“Say it. Say you won’t touch my things ever again.”

I can’t help but stare at the drool forming into a large droplet dangling precariously from his lips. It could drop at any moment and yet I surprisingly hold firm. “NO.”

He grins and shakes his head causing the droplet to start to separate from his mouth. “Swear you won’t take anything of mine again!” He leans closer so that his face is within one inch of mine and says it one more time with gusto, “Sweaaaaar it!”

“Aaaaah, I swear. I swear,” I utter as his claws dig into my chest.

He lifts his body off of mine and struts away in triumph. Sitting up, I shake his loose hairs off of me. I glance over and see that his food dish still has several Friskies treats in it. Hmm, I scratch my head. I wonder what flavor those are?

If only there were some way to find out.

#Caturday #They’reTryingToKillUs #ThatFoodIsCrap

Yesterday, I observed one of the small humans refusing to eat something called a “leftover”. It seemed frighteningly inedible. First, he poked it with his finger. Then he leaned down and gave it one good sniff. His body shivered and he slowly backed away. I glanced at the food and back to the human, but he had already escaped. I didn’t take any chances and fled as well.

Later, when I spied the same food in Salem’s dish, I knew what I had to do:

I promptly put stickers with my name on it, on his cat bed, toy snake, and scratching post. #NotWarningYourAss #TakingYourStuff #RIP

Welcome to the World According to Suki…

Thanks for joining me!

 My human is a writer. She’s pretty great most of the time. She tells me the funniest stories and I like the way she scratches my chin, but she can be pretty gross, too. I mean, I never see her lick herself clean before she handles my food, and who knows where her paws have been.

She also doesn’t always say ‘thank you’ when she should. I fluffed up two sweaters for her today and nothing. Nada. Zip. It wasn’t easy getting all those strands of yarn to stick out, but I did. You’re welcome.

My human has five smaller humans living in our house, too. They come in assorted sizes and smells. I think their names are “Don’t Touch That”, “Don’t Eat That”, “Put That Back”, “What’s That Smell”, and “Go Ask Dad”. I usually try to avoid them, but sometimes they have food.

I have a sister named Sasha and a little brother named Salem. He’s your typical little brother. He takes my food when I’m not looking and he tries to take my spot on the bed. When he gets too annoying I like to get even. I usually just take a bite of my human’s food and leave it by his dish. It drives her crazy and she ends up putting him in the garage for the night. Hee, hee.