I’m Bored

Out of the corner of my eye I see my little brother Salem walking by. I immediately sit up and begin biting the air.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“I’m pretending to eat your birthday cake,” I pause for dramatic effect, “and it’s goooood.”

His eyes bulge, “STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!”

I smile, “No,” and continue to eat the fake cake.

“That’s mine!! Cut it out!”

“Oh, wait,” I pause and smile, “I haven’t blown out the candles yet.”

“You’re going to die!” He races toward me.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” I haul ass into the next room and spend the better part of the night hiding under the bed. Times are good.

Ah, Siblings…

My little brother Salem has been sleeping on the floor for the last hour when he wakes up and glances around confused, “Where’d my sunbeam go?”

I smile, “Oh, I turned it off. Sorry.”

He cuts his eyes at me, “Well turn it back on.”

“No.”

He stands up and says a bit louder, “I said, ‘turn it back on’.”

I said, ‘No’.”

Salem crouches down, preparing to lunge, “Turn. It. On!”

I race away screaming, “Noooooooooooooo!”

P.S. I just wanted to share that I made FeedSpot.com’s top 200 cat blogs list. I’m number 138!! Hey, I’m estatic just to make the list!! Check it out: Their list of top cat blogs: https://blog.feedspot.com/cat_blogs/

Nightime Conversations With Suki


I’m relaxing at night while the little humans are asleep and my little brother Salem comes running up to me.

“My food dish is empty. What am I supposed to do again?”

“Well, it’s 2am. Have you ran across our human’s bed yet?”

“Check.”

“Have you sat on her head yet?”

“Check.”

“Have you knocked off all the shit on her nightstand yet?”

“I’ll be right back.”

Argh!!!

I walk into the bedroom and my little brother Salem is napping away. I clear my throat and remind him, “Our human is going to be mad if you don’t go and pick up your toys.”

He opens one eye halfway and responds, “I need a nap.”

“No you don’t, you just had one.”

“But I haven’t taken my meds yet, I’m exhausted,” he stretches his paws forward and closes his eyes again.

I scream in frustration, “They’re Tartar Control Friskies Bites! Stop calling them ‘your meds’!!”

Why There’s No Privacy

I hear a banging sound and it’s interrupting my naptime. I go into the dining room and my little brother Salem is scratching and pounding on the bedroom door.

“Why are you pounding on the door?”

“Because our human closed it.”

“So?”

“So?! So?! What if she’s eating tuna and playing with a new catnip toy in there?”

I lift my paw, “Let me help you.”

Can We Keep It?

My little brother Salem runs up to me all excited, “I caught this lizard.” He lifts his paw just enough to show the reptile squirming underneath. “Can we keep him?”

“What for?”

“I tore the tip of his tail off and I want to see if it grows back.”

I glare at him, “Remember the butterfly?”

“For the last time, I thought his wings were velcroed on.”

Mystery Solved

All I can hear is our human yelling in the laundry room. I look over at Salem, “What. Did. You. Do?”

He shrugs his shoulders, “I just used the litter box.”

“Well, did you cover good?”

“Not in the ‘traditional’ sense,” he averts his eyes.

“Well…” I tap my paw and wait.

“There may have been a blouse sitting outside the litter box that got pulled in when I was scratching.”

Breakfast in Bed

Smelling food, I instinctively walk into the kitchen. One of the little humans is cooking. Umm, smells good.

I stop dead in my tracks. Glancing around I spot my sister Sasha and my little brother Salem nearby, “Hide!” I shout.

Once we are safely hidden, Salem turns to me, “Why are we hiding?”

In between pants, I reply, “One of the little humans is flipping pancakes with our litter box scoop.”

A grin spreads across Salem’s face, “But that isn’t our fault.”

“I know, but our human is almost done eating. Do you want to be around when she finds out?”

I Bet

Salem: “I bet I can jump on that countertop.”

Me: “I bet I can jump on that cabinet.”

Salem: “I bet I can jump on top of the cabinet.”

Two seconds later I am standing in a puddle of water, broken dishes and scattered utensils. I look around at the mess and scratch my head. “I bet I can jump on top of the refrigerator.”