My Life These Days

Salem: “Did you tear my stuffed mouse?”

Me: I point to the elf

Our human: “Who snagged my new sweater?”

Me: I glance up at the elf.

Me: “Salem, I heard that elf wants you to leave out some tuna for him tonight.”

Salem: “And what if I don’t?”

Me: “Then he tells Santa, and you won’t get a present this year.”

Salem: “Do you think he likes Chunk Light or Albacore?”

Salem: “Why is that elf always up high, out of my reach?”

Me: “He thinks you have Covid, so he’s keeping six feet away.”

Me: “Sorry Salem, Santa said I get your treats this year.”

Salem: “What?! Why? What did I do?”

Me: “Santa asked who puked on that chair over there, and that elf picked you out of a line-up. Tough break.”

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