My human left a window cracked open today, so I thought I would take in a few sights and smells. Of course, the screen was still on so I couldn’t paw at any passing insects, but still, it was nice.

Now I don’t usually sit in this particular window, so when I did, an unknown squirrel jumped up to chat.

“Hey there. Nice day out today, isn’t it? I like the weather like this. It’s not too hot but not too cold. Perfect for hunting nuts. My name is Gunther. What’s your’s?”


“See anything good this morning? I saw a wasp attack a hummingbird earlier. Man, that was some messed up shit. Ever see anything like that before? It’s crazy out here in the wild you know? You got to be tough. There’s a mean-ass chicken hawk that lives around here, too. He don’t mess with me though, he knows better. You know what I mean?”

“Yep.” Are you still here?

“Oh yeah, it’s a good neighborhood to be in. Lots of friendly birds around. I like to talk to the blue jays the most. And them sparrows, I love to hear them sing. Don’t you? But those damn woodpeckers will drive you nuts with all that pecking. Shit, them suckers are annoying. You know?”

“I just need some peace and quiet.”

” Oh yeah, I know what you mean. I got your back. I’ll keep those fellows from coming over and bothering us. They can be annoying, right? Don’t worry, I’ll take care of them.”

Oh my God, stuff a nut in it already. Does he ever shut up?

“You’re new, huh? I’ve been living here for months. Everyone here knows me. I don’t remember seeing you around here before.”

I flick out my claws, “I just got sprung from the pound.”

His eyes get big, “No kidding?”

“Yes. I murdered a squirrel who wouldn’t shut up.”

4 thoughts on “#SquirrelsAreChattySonsOfBitchesAren’tThey

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